Raining Happiness

I’m in competition with myself, others don’t exist.

I was tired of always being compared with others of how fat i was, how lazy, good for nothing, not able to attract a decent guy, not able to talk to the opposite sex, the list was endless. One day told myself enough is enough. I am God’s special creation who was born to be happy and make others happy. Dedicating my life , my time towards it.

We waste half our lives on superficial things which really don’t matter in the end. I have realised in relation to external beauty internal beauty attracts more…..a smile, a naughty wink, a compliment, going that extra mile for someone all are add ons for beauty with happiness.

Two months back a school friend of mine sent a WhatsApp invitation inviting me for her daughter’s reception in Chennai. In school days used to be emotionally attached to her, but after marriage lost touch with her and rest of my school friends. Few months back had joined my school WhatsApp group. At first I felt like a stranger as so many years had passed by but then became comfortable. Last week I flew to Chennai straight to the reception and surprised my friend. Her expression was comic. Happiness and joy welled in her eyes and we hugged each other tight. A new dawn had begun. Met other close school friends with love and affection.

Pondered why I did not keep in touch all these years. Basically it was my own insecurity within me. Everyone was a success story in some field or other and this created a inferior complexity in me. Today life has come a full circle as I’m at peace with myself. I have realised my own true worth and not in competition with anyone. Wish everyone find their own peace and self worth.

Seeds of emotional connect which is sown in childhood with school friends gains in strength over a period of time. Childhood is marked by innocence when the barriers of caste, creed, wealth, position, beauty and upmanship don’t exist.

Wish I could relive my magical school days again !!!

Its very easy to acquire knowledge

Its most difficult to live the knowledge.

The day you become the knowledge

Nothing can disturb you

Light shines from within

Encompassing everyone

Whoever comes in its radius

Love is a momentary feeling which puts me on a high in one moment and in the doldrums in the next. This beautiful emotion breaks my heart till the next beautiful love comes along. Life is the jogging track where I’m trying to run….loving someone, saying bye bye to another one, creating a new connection with another stranger.

Does permanent love make me stagnant…started pondering over it. Not at all. Like an old wine matures and becomes more precious with age, so also love blossoms engulfing others in its fold.

Love is eternal…it always existed and will always exist. With my mind I put certain conditions that love has to be like my favourite romance novels Mills & Boons or Bollywood films. Time has taught me love is all encompassing and doesn’t exist in bits and pieces.

I breathe in love, I exhale out love, the sky is love, the ground I walk in is love, everything around me is the essence of love.

Today morning had gone to wake up my daughter. She was in deep sleep looking so innocent and beautiful. Tenderness for this child overwhelmed me. Without disturbing continued looking at her.

Thoughts which passed by ….

Universal consciousness is incomparable. Its so powerful being creator of this creation. Every creation of it is so perfect, so loveable giving so much joy and a will to live. Because of my ignorance I sometimes forget to offer gratitude to it. All good things I take for granted, all wrong things I blame on the creator. Im so selfish at times. With a Guru’s or a mentor’s guidance will change this attitude of mine. Working towards it.

Yest evening God gifted me a small cute bundle of joy with rosy cheeks and inquisitive eyes. I felt awed when i held her, it seemed a miracle had entered my life. Christmas had really arrived.

Life is full of surprises, our weakness is we fail to react to it. Even before an event happens we condition our mind and this creates an obstacle in our genuine expression of emotions.